In the first part of this article series we discussed, or rather I expounded, on the problem of marrying someone who is irresponsible with money—should you or shouldn’t you go through with the wedding if your intended spouse is keeping or has kept financial secrets from you?
In Part One I gave you some information on the different kinds of financial secrets people keep and the fallout, and basically told you to give them a single option—get help or no wedding.
In Part Two we will cover the other side of the argument—money shouldn’t keep two people who love each other apart. Really? Well, here are some questions that may go through your mind when considering whether to call off the wedding altogether to save yourself from monetary marital heartbreak.
Can your intended spouse’s financial issues be fixed? Can your love for one another really cover a multitude of money sins? Can the trust you lost because of the money secrets be rebuilt? As a human being, I can totally understand the desire to find everlasting love and devotion with that one person, and I know that many will want to find the silver lining in the big dark cloud marked, “Marital Money Problems.” So, let’s look at the positive side of the money secrets issue.
We Can Fix This
If your beloved one is willing to take on the challenge of dealing with his or her past financial mistakes, there may be hope for you two. One of the first things you need to tackle together is to sit down and plan out a way to fix the issue(s). If your future spouse’s problem is debt, you can look into ways to reduce debt and raise their credit score quickly. You’ll need to order their free credit report and go from there. If your intended spouse has issues with gambling or shopping addiction, you need to seek professional help from a qualified addictions counselor. If your loved one is just generally a money idiot, you can enroll both of you (you should be there for moral support) in a money management course.
Generally speaking, most money problems can be fixed, but you BOTH have to be willing to put in the time and effort in order to get the wedding back on track.
Love Conquers All
I do believe that love is the most powerful emotion on the face of the earth, so it can conquer most problems. If you truly love one another and cannot imagine life without each other, then by all means, get married. Love has proven itself through many a marital spat over money, and if your love is strong enough, your marriage will survive your loved one’s past money indiscretions.
Can love conquer the fears, frustrations, and feelings of betrayal associated with gambling addiction? Can love conquer having to add thousands of dollars of debt to your monthly bill payments? Can love conquer the phone calls from the credit card companies harassing YOU for payment of months of outstanding bills? Can love conquer the feelings of anxiety, frustration, and hopelessness that can come with being in over your head financially?
If you think it can, go for it, but be prepared to sacrifice. Don’t think that I am a loveless killjoy; I am just being the Devil’s Advocate here. I am just being honest.
Trust and Credit Can Be Rebuilt
The truth is that if you love someone enough, you will eventually trust them again. Much like credit, trust can be rebuilt over time with careful handling, patience, and responsible actions.
With that in mind, here are your choices. You can get married now and spend the first few years of your marriage without the necessary trust in each other, or you can wait to get married and start your marriage off with at least a thin layer of financial trust rebuilt through hard work on both your parts. Either of these choices is preferable to not getting married to the love of your life, right? Think long and hard about that—you don’t want to make a mistake.
Through Part One and Part Two of this article, I have tried to provide you with unbiased information and options regarding whether or not to proceed with the wedding after uncovering your beloved’s financial secrets.
With this information in hand, what are you going to do about your situation? I would love to know what you think, what you would decide, and if you’ve already made a decision.