Steadfast Finances
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Why I Hate Thanksgiving
With the Thanksgiving holiday bearing down upon us once again, it’s that special time of year when you realize that your aunt still wears too much perfume and you wish God had given you just a little more patience in the personality department.
Wait, that didn’t sound quite right. Thanksgiving is supposed to be a happy time. Right?
With so many positive waves floating around the good ol’ USA this time of year, people will probably ask why I’m so down on the holiday. I’m glad you asked.
Why I Hate Turkey Day
- Attendance is Mandatory. I’m from a fairly pious Southern family. Which means if I don’t show up to this “who brought the best side dish” dog and pony show, they will likely pray for my ruination. Sometimes I really wish I had been born into a Catholic family where the worst I would get is a silent guilt trip.
- No Booze. Yes, you heard that correctly. I have a dry family. So for all of you folks who have that one happy drunk uncle who entertains the family with crude humor and falls asleep with his pants unbuckled — I envy you. Anytime you have this many people asking this many probing questions into your life without the necessary amount of social lubrication, it makes for a trying day at best.
- Food is my heroin. It’s well known that certain types of foods stimulate your brain much like a powerful narcotic. So when I spend 3 days of eating Grandma’s mashed yams with roasted walnuts and homemade buttermilk biscuits, I’m feeling some massive withdrawal symptoms a day or two later.
- Getting hit up for a loan. Nothing screws up a nice family gathering like getting hit up for a loan from the loser side of the family. Wait, that’s not true. It’s being forced to sit next to a family member who hasn’t repaid the last loan you made (by this point, they think it was a gift). Family and money mix about as well as oil and water, so if you’re the askee this Thanksgiving, please pick another day because Turkey Day is definitely not the proper venue.
- Screw Black Friday. If you want to see the worst qualities of humanity, just watch the news coverage surrounding the Black Friday shopping reports. Hopefully, this sad cultural phenomenon is being edited out from anything ET might accidentally see in the video streams beamed to outer space. Any species willing to trample and kill it’s own kind in order to save 30% on Blue Ray players and toasters is a lousy species indeed. If you’re smart, you’ll wait until 5 days after Christmas and catch the 50% clearance sales.
Call me jaded for having a family that’s a little nuts (Griswold’s anyone?) or being cranky that advertisers have ruined the Macy’s Day Parade, but perhaps Thanksgiving is just one of those family gatherings where meeting up once a year is way too often.
Just note, there is a humorous overtone to this post so don’t bite my head off. But if you have a beef with Thanksgiving or feel some anxiety about meeting up your relatives this holiday season, please share it below.
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Photo credit to orphanjones
25 Comments
Nov 24, 20094:55 pm
I get those too! Why haven’t you found a nice girl yet? Why haven’t you given us grandchildren yet?
One Thanksgiving, I told my family they should loosen my sister’s curfew so maybe she’ll get knocked up by a townie. Since then, they don’t bug me about grandchildren.
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Nov 24, 20094:57 pm
Nov 24, 20095:07 pm
Nov 24, 20095:23 pm
@ Daniel,
Mother’s Day is pretty easy for me. Just a phone call and maybe a batch of flowers to be sent to Mom or Grandma.
To me, it seems more like an appreciation day than anything else. Just let them know you’re thinking about them and you’re golden.
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Nov 24, 20095:28 pm
@ K.S.
If your auntie looks like Sharon Stone, the men might not mind being the boy toy! (smirks)
If not, I hope the pumpkin pie was worth the show!!!
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Nov 24, 20096:54 pm
HAha, nice one Matt. I like #4. U really have relatives hitting u up for a loan? They have to be close relatives no, since it’s Thanksgiving?
What happens when you tell them to pay up, or you’re broke?
It’s strange… I haven’t had anybody ask to borrow money from me for 10+ years now. $5 bucks for lunch, $100 for a card game buy in, but nothing more than that!
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Matt SF Reply:
November 24th, 2009 at 8:52 pm
Yep! I believe Charles Barkley said it best: when people know you have money, the first word you need to learn how to say is “No!”
It sucks because if the person doesn’t repay the “family member loan”, it really damages the future relationship. It’s a horrible position to be placed in because you’re an ass if you say no, but you’re a dumbass for saying yes if they fail to repay the loan.
I try not to let it bug me when I’m around this person, but no matter what, I still think of them as a deadbeat and myself as a sucker. So if it happens again, I’ll just tell them to go to do the P2P loan thing (Lending Club, Prosper), or draft a promissory note through Virgin Money.
I haven’t attempted to write up a promissory note before, but as I learned in a Lending Club presentation, a borrower is much more likely to default if they believe there are no repercussions to their credit report. If they default, the only penalty is family guilt or taking them out behind the woodshed. In the end, they simply feel that since you had extra money to lend out, that you won’t miss it or ever need it again.
I suppose some people are just screwy that way. Thanks for the comment!!!
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Nov 25, 20091:18 am
Nov 25, 200910:58 am
Matt,
You need work on getting rule #2 revoked. When it comes to handling family, it really does make Thanksgiving just a bit more tolerable, you know.
It works for me, anyway. And if everybody is sloshed, nobody notices the drunk uncle – or that the turkey is burnt to a crisp (again). ;-)
Best!
Len
Len Penzo dot Com
[Reply]
Matt SF Reply:
November 25th, 2009 at 11:07 am
That would be nice, but doubtful I can engineer an effective coup d’état when it comes to overthrowing the matriarchs.
I piss them off, I get a bologna sandwich. The turkey may not be worth the frustration, but the yams make up for it.
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Nov 27, 200911:12 pm
Hilarious post. I like the comments too – even the Sharon Stone one.
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Dec 4, 200911:13 am
Dec 4, 200911:23 am
@ Four Pillars
Thanks, I’ll use whatever it takes to get through the holidays. If that happens to be a “basic Instinct” mental flashback, that will just have to do!
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Dec 4, 200911:27 am
@ Jake
I think I got that one covered… I don’t have kids, but my sister and nephew live within a 15 minute drive from our parents. So the new nephew keeps them satiated with “spoiling the grandson” syndrome and I don’t chastised nearly as much as I used to.
Of course, that can all change next year. Or the year after!
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Dec 5, 200910:21 am
I love this article. I must say the thing I hate about Thanksgiving is all you described (except we drink, so the tongue is more relaxed and people say things maybe they wish they hadn’t) but the worst? You have to do it all over again in a matter of weeks. Ahhh, Christmas!
.-= Angie ´s last blog ..Body Temple Clothing Review =-.
[Reply]
Matt SF Reply:
December 5th, 2009 at 12:28 pm
Thanks for commenting Angie… I think you nailed it perfectly on Christmas.
Thankfully, our Christmas holiday rituals are more low key than Thanksgiving, so I don’t necessarily dread it as much.
Christmas, at least in my family, is like like a slow drawn out torture versus the all at once ass kicking that is our Thanksgiving. It’s kinda like one punch to the arm everyday versus being beaten to a bloody pulp (since the whole family gets together) with the personal questions and innuendos of delivering grandchildren.
Unfortunately for me, the menu doesn’t really change so it’s more ham, complex carbohydrates, and treadmill mileage for me!
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Alan Reply:
December 21st, 2009 at 4:45 am
I am from Australia,we don’t have thanksgiving but it seems evrytime its Xmas or fathers day or mothersday i have to listen to my sister tell the whole family how smart and wonderful her kids are.Really it makes me want to puke..,i hate it.i hate the shit that flows from her mouth.I try and make excuses not to go..And Xmas is worst of all..its so hot here and they still want to make the big hot dinner..the only good thing about xmas for me is being with my son..thats all i want for xmas..no crap!!
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Matt SF Reply:
December 23rd, 2009 at 9:31 pm
Some people are like that Alan. They have to live vicariously through their kids or talk nonstop about how great their lives are (or aren’t).
I like your idea…
No crap for Christmas! It has a nice anti-consumerism ring to it. Mind if I use it in a future post?
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Dec 24, 20093:35 am
Hi Matt,please use it..there may be more for you..
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3:23 pm
LOL, sorry your Thanksgiving is dry, sneak something in the punch!
I hate the probing of personal questions… You STILL don’t have a boyfriend? Think you’ll be married by 30? How many times were you a bridesmaid this year? … Shoot…Me…Now!
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