I made a huge mistake this week.

I incorrectly answered the “Am I Fat?” question.

Ashley, a good friend and reader of this blog shared some photos of her vacation to Florida over the New Year’s break.

After viewing them, she promptly posed the question “How do I look in the red bikini picture?“.

I replied with a “You look good.  A little unfit, but good.”

Huge mistake on my part!  Maybe one of these days I’ll learn to fudge the truth.

Background Information

To set the stage (without showing the pictures in question), part of being “fit” to me usually means you have a reasonably flat stomach without the stubborn belly fat which accumulates on the lower part of stomach.  Since we were focusing on the visual side of fitness, I mentioned she had a little of this belly fat, which quickly turned into a bigger deal with each passing day.  She initially reacted with a few snide comments, but later turned into a week long tirade of what I can only describe as self loathing.

What I was suggesting was that she could use a few more minutes on the treadmill and lay off the Corona (which she had in her hand in said picture) if she wanted to meet the Maxim magazine cover girl image that she feels she must have to feel content.  Like most younger women these days, she sees ultra thin runway models during every TV commercial or airbrushed magazine covers, and subsequently feels pressure (mostly inward) that she should look like them.  As she stressed during our conversation this weekend, she basically feels that since she works out so much, she should be capable taking off her sales rep power suit and hitting the beach in a two piece bikini without any hesitation.

Since Ashley is a friend, my male brain gave the green light to tell the truth when she questioned me about her looks.  Being a guy, I thought men were supposed to tell the truth in this situation.

Apparently, I was wrong, but I also stumbled across a fairly substantial negative self image issue.

The Warning Signs I Missed

I really didn’t figure out that her self image problem was so obvious until this weekend.  During our conversations from last week, all of them somehow came back to my “you look unfit” comment, and then she would leave feeling dejected and displaying some fairly strong feelings of inadequacy.

This went on about three or four days before I really caught on to the degree of anxiety my comment caused.  To my surprise, she later admitted that she has always been overly self conscious and has grown increasingly sensitive about her appearance as she has grown older.  To most everyone else, she’s a strong 9 out of 10, but she doesn’t seem to feel this way at all and it’s beginning to show in her demeanor.

In my eyes, a little vanity is a healthy thing.  There is nothing wrong with wanting to look fit just to catch a few glances from the opposite sex, but when you begin to strike out at those around you for pointing out the obvious or it taxes your emotions to the point of extreme anxiety, the time has come when something must be done to put you back on the right path.

Exercise Does Not Provide the Desired Results

Ashley can only be described as a gym rat.  She works out somewhere in the neighborhood of 4 to 6 times each week.  She runs a 10k on a biweekly basis during the warmer months, has spent a small lifetime on the treadmill, and has actually participated in a mini triathlon.

She is certainly in excellent physical shape, and could likely run circles around most of us since she focuses so much on her cardio workouts, but she’s not seeing the results that she wants when she looks in the mirror.

Other than hiring a personal trainer to work with her on a regular basis (which she has done), and going on a crash diet (I’m told the beer in the picture was a vacation luxury), I reluctantly agree with her that there isn’t much more she can do if she wants a picture perfect body that will make her happy.

When Plastic Surgery is the Next Best Option

I’m not going to paint a rosy picture and say plastic surgery is a fix all in Ashley’s case.  There is little doubt that she’s busted her arse in the gym, so she’s probably burned through enough running shoes in my estimation to justify venturing into the extreme of plastic surgery.

More importantly, she’s taken the subject to those who know her best — her mother and father — and they have agreed to support her in this decision.  I was pleasantly surprised in learning this because it shows forethought and planning.  Instead of making a rash decision founded on frustration, she’s actually taken the time to discuss this with mom and dad.  Pretty impressive.

Is the Cost of Plastic Surgery Worth It?

I think this entire discussion really comes down to the value a potential patient puts upon looking a certain way after the procedure is finished.

Ashley has done a little shopping around, and her surgery will likely cost a few thousand dollars (~ $5,000).  Not a cheap expense by any means.

At present, she doesn’t have the disposable income or the savings to cover such an expense.  Primarily because she’s a 23 year old young professional with a mortgage, a car payment, and all the other expenses that come with being a single income home owner.

However, she will spend several months saving for her liposuction procedure and will also be receiving some assistance from her parents.

Being someone who places a tremendous value on peace of mind myself, I can attest to the satisfaction in being able to sleep at night.  I pay for a wide range of professional services that I could probably do myself, but I like to think I’m paying them so I know the job is done the best it can be done, and not have it come back to bite me in the arse later.

Likewise, Ashley is probably feeling the same way and to her, this is an expense that can improve her quality of life and eliminate the anxiety she felt when someone like me makes a [misplaced?] comment about her appearance.

If having a few fat cells removed will improve her self image, it’s difficult to put a prohibitive price tag on this type of procedure.  Considering her anxiety levels, and the exercise regime she goes through each and every week, I could back up her up in her decision to go under the knife.

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If you or anyone else you might know have struggled with this decision, how about leaving a comment below.  I’m sure those sitting on the fence with a similar situation will benefit from it.

Got Comments?

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Photo by Arturo de Albornoz

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