OK, so I’m lying my arse off.

But seeing that statement in a big, bold headline just makes you realize how dumb some people must be!

For those not in the know, Pat Robertson recently came out with his economic predictions for 2009 based on his annual conference call with the Almighty.  Apparently, this is a regular thing that dates back to the 1980s.

And to think that CNBC or Bloomberg didn’t pick this story up right away.  Shouldn’t any information being beamed down from Heaven through a shady TV evangelist like good ol’ Pat be worthy of a breaking news alert?

Maybe they were hoping Ms. Cleo would lend him a few unused numbers since she got busted for making similar claims.

Pat’s Predictions for 2009

If my sarcasm didn’t give it away, I’m not much of a follower of Robertson and his band of merry prophets.  In fact, this is the first I’ve ever heard of Pat Robertson’s New Year’s predictions.

I would laugh if having God on speed dial wasn’t so ridiculous.

I don’t believe this is any way for a so called Christian to behave, but it’s not like Pat would do anything cheesy or borderline unethical.  He wouldn’t pitch his own energy drink, call for the assassination of foreign leader, or live off the donations of others while getting a tax break… right?

Either way, here are a few of his predictions:

1. The economy will recover as early as April.
2. People will welcome socialism under Obama.
3. The U.S. will have less power in the world.
4. The dollar will go down dramatically.
5. There will be hyperinflation.
6. Oil will hit $300 per barrel.
7. Gold will hit $1500 per ounce.
8. Russia will attempt to gain control of the Middle East.
9. Israel will remain in a crisis like state.
10. Islam’s hold in the world will weaken because it is a “religion of hate“.

I’m not a big believer in any faith or widespread religion (other than the church of football), so perhaps I’m looking at this from a strictly business like perspective.  Maybe that’s the reason why I can see it’s a load of BS and it’s just one more financial guy making his bets on the financial markets.

Robertson’s sales pitch

This one is seemingly well disguised since it’s cloaked in the kindness and generosity of the Christian faith, but he’s using three common techniques all good salesmen (particularly clergymen) rely upon:

1. He’s creating demand for his product when you didn’t know you needed it.
2. He’s attempting to change your opinion by saying his product is better by making a convincing argument.
3. He’s slamming his competition.

In this case, it’s my belief he’s offering some financial advice to help his followers to make a few bucks and gain some free publicity.  After all, rich followers give more donations.

But his outspoken belief that Islam is a religion of hate and outright criticism of his greatest competitor is a classic sales tactic.  It’s not like old school Christians have ever said that their religion is #1, and everything else is just a waste of time.

Pat’s gotten a few right lately!

In the interest of fairness, it should be noted that Pat did make a few correct calls in 2008.  He did predict oil would hit $150 per barrel (high was $147/barrel), gold would hit $1000 per ounce, and we would enter a recession.

However, many finance experts, and even the ones who usually get the calls wrong were saying all three of these things.  What most folks don’t understand is that salesmen like Robertson say a lot of stupid and random things, and they occasionally get a few right.

If you get 3 out of 10 right during your baseball career, they usually induct you to the Hall of Fame.

Maybe he’s just using fear to further his message?

Lest we forget, Pat has also made a few outlandish predictions that didn’t materialize:

1. He called the world to come to an end in 1982.  As if we haven’t seen this one come and go throughout history.
2. He said that Orlando would be struck with a hurricane, tornado or meteor in 1998 because Disney World flew a few flags with Gay Rights symbols (e.g. rainbows) on them, which of course flew in the face of God.  More like Pat was afraid they would corrupt the American image of Mickey Mouse and turn him into a flaming homo.  I’m sure Mickey, Donald and Goofy are only pals.
3. He called for Hugo Chavez’s assassination because he spread communist and Muslim influences throughout the world.  Oh no, new ideas might warp our fragile little minds!
4. He claimed that George W. Bush would win the 2004 Presidential Election in a blowout.  Maybe my senility is in question, but wasn’t that the closest election in U.S. history?

Personally, I think the guy has lost any credibility at all.  In fact, I feel somewhat ambivalent even acknowledging the existence of a shady character that operates on the extreme fringes.  But yet, it’s sad to think a guy like this has an audience at all, and might actually have some real influence over people’s lives.

Much less, some poor fool might actually put his life savings into investments that this guy has hyped as God’s Will, when it’s really just a sad old man listening to the voices in his head or making up incredulous statements to get more press.

If anyone has a more outlandish way to make money in the stock market, I would ask you leave a comment below.

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